The Gifts of Sobriety

Sobriety doesn’t mean life suddenly gets easy. Relationships still fall apart. Money gets tight. Jobs change. Fear shows up. Life still happens.

But sometimes the hardest moments in recovery become the greatest gifts.

In this episode of The Successful Life Podcast, Corey Berrier shares how his perspective on sobriety has changed over the years—from trying to control outcomes and expecting life to go his way to learning how to let go, trust God, make amends, help others, and recognize the gifts hidden inside difficult seasons.

Corey shares personal experiences with heartbreak, financial struggles, moving to a new city, making amends, overcoming isolation, and learning to become comfortable in his own skin. He also shares a powerful story about a young man making a difficult amends—only to discover that the person on the other side of the door had been sober for 30 years.

Recovery isn’t simply about not drinking. It’s about becoming free from the things you’ve carried for years.

In this episode:

• Why difficult seasons can become gifts in recovery
• Letting go of expectations and the need to control outcomes
• The freedom that comes from making amends
• Why asking God and other people for help matters
• Getting comfortable being uncomfortable
• How helping other alcoholics strengthens sobriety
• Why 30, 60, and 90 days sober are enormous accomplishments
• Finding gratitude in ordinary moments
• Why money alone doesn’t create a successful life
• Doing the next right thing when life isn’t going your way

If you’re struggling in early sobriety—or wondering whether life really gets better without alcohol—this episode is a reminder to keep going.

Nothing in your life gets better by picking up a drink or a drug. But recovery can give you a life worth living.

https:newpathemployment.com

 https://www.audible.com/pd/9-Simple-Steps-to-Sell-More-ht-Audiobook/B0D4SJYD4Q?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=library_overflow

https://www.amazon.com/Simple-Steps-Sell-More-Stereotypes-ebook/dp/B0BRNSFYG6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1OSB7HX6FQMHS&keywords=corey+berrier&qid=1674232549&sprefix=%2Caps%2C93&sr=8-1

 https://www.linkedin.com/in/coreysalescoach/

Transcript

CoreyBerrier 0:30

Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast. I'm your host, Corey Berrier. And today, folks, I'm just super grateful and super happy to be sober, super happy to have a program, a design for a living that I have today. And so we're going to talk about the gifts that come along with being sober. And the most rough times in my sobriety, and there has been some rough times, every one of those things have been gifts because we're all we're all right where we're supposed to be at the exact time we're supposed to be there. Whether that means you're going through some shit right now, whether that means that things are really good, you're exactly where you're supposed to be. And people people used to say that to me when I got when I was early in sobriety, and it used to piss me off because I'm struggling, going through whatever, couldn't pay bills, didn't have any money. And I'm thinking, you're the most inconsiderate human being for saying you're right where you're supposed to be. If you were in my position, you wouldn't be saying that. But the truth is we are all exactly where we're supposed to be. And so if you're in recovery and you're struggling, if you're not in recovery, recovery and you're struggling, guess what? Right now is may not feel like a gift today, but uh it will you'll eventually get to see that gift if you stay sober long enough. I've had I've had really heartbreaking relationships go sideways in recovery, sometimes multiple times. I've been divorced in recovery. I've almost lost my house in recovery. I have been behind on everyone in my bills in recovery. And guess what? Those times felt like those times, those times felt like they weren't gonna end. And it's hard to see the gifts in life when you feel like life just keeps throwing you curveballs. But what you do with those lessons slash gifts are the gifts. Meaning, if you wallow in what you're not getting today, or you wallow in the fact that you're only 30 or 60 or 90 days sober, that energy that you're putting out is going to come back to you with that same force of negative energy. And if you are early on, I don't expect you to understand that. I don't even expect you to believe me, but I've walked through these situations enough times and been willing to take action on these things enough times that I have uh I have proof that they're gifts. As I mentioned, I've had my heart completely shattered in a romantic relationship in sobriety. I thought there it just felt like nothing else could be taken at the time, and it felt like this emptiness that was never going to be able to be filled up. And the issue was for me, is I was looking for somebody else to fill that hole in my soul. I was looking for a woman at the time to fill the shoes that I needed to try to fill myself, and that was truly because I wasn't okay with me at the time. I it wasn't comfortable in my own skin. And fortunately, now I've gotten more comfortable in my own skin, and I'm comfortable being by myself, and it took a while to see those you know stops and starts in that relationship as a gift, because it didn't feel like a gift at all. But then the gift is that you let go and you let God and you depend on other people and you openly share with other people. And for me, I had to ask God for help. I've talked about, I think I talked about last week asking for help is one of the hardest things to do. And when you're shouting, when you're not shouting, but when you're praying, sometimes often it feels like nobody's listening until you start seeing the gifts of the results that you've been praying for. And often people pray for their own selfish needs, and that doesn't work really. But if you pray to be of maximum service to the people that you're around, you pray for that in this case the relationship, me praying for that other person to find happiness, even though I didn't really want that at the time. It's the process of verbalizing that. Oh, I guess it's actually the the willingness to pray for that person. And a miraculous thing happens when you pray for the person that has broken your heart, or for the employer that just fired you, or for that person that you really want to just rip off their head and shit down their throat. It's really hard. But there is a power in hitting your knees and asking God for help, reaching out to other people that are like me, that are alcoholics and drug addicts. It's important to share with other people what you're going through. It's important to ask God for help. And then you've got to accept that help whatever how it comes. And this is where the powerlessness and the control kicks in for a lot of us. It's we want to control the outcome, and uh, we want we expect it to be my way. And when I set expectations on other people, whether it be in a relationship, whether it be in an employer, whether it be in a friend, or whether it be the guy checking me out at the gas station, then I'm setting myself up for failure because people are just not going to do everything the way I want them to do it. I had to learn that the hard way. Hell, most of the time, I don't know what's right for me. But what I do have is guidance of that higher power of God, whatever you want to call it, you know, to steer my thoughts and my words and my mind and in a way that helps me not to have to control that outcome. When I moved down here to Wilmington, I was on a hundred percent commissioned job, and that takes a leap of faith to move to a different city with a bunch of people that you don't know and a job that has some uncertainty to it. But you know, not once have I struggled since I've been here, and that's 100% due to the God of my understanding taking care of the things that I'm not able to take care of, given me the opportunity to raise my hand and introduce myself to folks that I don't know yet. And uh part of that was out of fear of isolating, like I used to do when I drank. When I used to drink, I would just isolate at home, and I wasn't very social. I it certainly wasn't the thing that you think about when you think of alcohol. I think about when in my twenties going out to bars and hooking up with people and having fun, and there is an element to that when you start drinking, but then when it turns on you, you begin to isolate. And maybe this makes sense to you, and and maybe it doesn't, but if you're still drinking, then I'm sure it does make sense to you. And if you listen to this podcast, you know that I just try to share my experience, and so I didn't want to isolate when I got here, so I got comfortable with being uncomfortable, and I just did exactly what I've been taught to do, which is stick my hand out, shake somebody's hand, meet as many people as possible. And so this transition for me has been pretty easy, it's been pretty seamless, and my life's not perfect, but I'm not worried about how things are gonna work out today. I'm just not. And I don't tell you that as me bragging, or I don't tell you that I'll never have another worry again because I certainly will have another worry. But I just the perspective that I have today is very different than I had when I was first got sober. It's very different than I had when I quit drinking. When I quit drinking, it was a long time ago, but when I quit drinking the years ago, I was scared because alcohol is my friend. And so when you move to a new place, you don't have that lubricant that you used to have. And fortunately, I've had enough years without a drink that a drink wasn't an option for me. It didn't pop into my mind because I don't struggle with that today. And I don't know exactly when that happened, but thank God I don't have that obsession to drink any longer. And so when you think about doing hard things and getting sober is not easy, it's a simple process, but there's nothing easy about it, hence why people don't stay sober because it's difficult, because you have to look at yourself in the mirror and have conversations with yourself and realize that you've probably not been a very good person. You've done some pretty shitty things, and it doesn't make you a bad person, it just means you've got to set those things right. And a lot of folks are not willing to do that. I was talking to a friend of mine over the weekend, uh, was explaining about a story in Vegas where I had committed a bunch of felonies. I didn't get caught, but committed a bunch of felonies that would have landed me in prison probably for 25 years or longer. I'm not even sure how many how long it would have been. And uh this person just asked me, well, how did the amends go for that process? And I hadn't thought about that. But I owed it an amends for this thing I did 20 some years ago, almost 25 years ago. And uh, I don't know those people's names, and I wouldn't be able to track them down if you had handed me 50 million dollars. But what I can do is make an amends in a different way, and sometimes sometimes when you start making amends, they're scary because you don't know what people are gonna say, you don't know how they're gonna react because you're not even sure they know what they you're an alcoholic. They all know, and people really appreciate that. I'll share another quick story with you. I work with other guys in the program, and uh just like somebody works with me. I was talking to a young guy today, and there's an amends that he needed he needed to make, and uh and it was a scary amends because he had done some damage to some property that he was nervous about if the guy was gonna make him pay for it, or nervous that the guy was gonna be upset, rightfully so. And here's what happened. I said, here's how you here's how you need to approach this. This is what you need to say. And I only have these answers because I've done it myself, and somebody taught me, so it's not like I came up with this. But turns out he knocks on this guy's door and uh just lets him know that he was drinking several weeks ago and damaged his property, and he asked him, he told him he had been sober now for X number of time, and how could he make it right? He said he was completely his nerves were totally shot. And so, as it turns out, this guy has been sober for 30 years. The guy that he you know that he had damaged this guy's property, and he's been sober for 30 years. And so the guy looks at him and says, You just made it right. You just made it right by coming and knocking on my door and telling me what happened. You don't owe me anything. Stay sober. I'd love to tell you this is an uncommon scenario, but it's just not uncommon. When you get sober and you straighten your life out, and you're doing the next right thing, and you genuinely go to somebody to tell them your side. When you genuinely go to somebody and you explain what happened and how can I make it right, you're not pointing fingers, you're not accusing, you're not making excuses for what you did. You just want to make it right. The most amazing shit ever happens. Like it's pretty unreal, the gifts that we get in this program. And that's been my experience with a lot of the amends process. Another gift that I get every day is I live at the beach and I get to go and sit on the beach and watch the sun come up. I'm so grateful every day that I get to do that because it just means I got another day to watch the sun come up, which is more than some people get when they don't get another day. Because we're not promised a thing. We're not promised tomorrow, we're not promised five minutes from now, and so that doesn't mean you don't plan things in your life, but it does mean that for me, it's the little things that I am incredibly grateful for. I get to go tonight to a meeting and give one of my guys a 30-day chip, and you might think, well, 30 days is not very long, Corey. Well, boy, you must not be struggling with alcoholism because if you struggle with alcohol or drugs, 30 days is a mountain of time to not pick up a drink or a drug. It's an unbelievable amount of time. Those first 30 days are tough. And then you get to that 60-day mark, and then you get to the 90-day mark, and life starts getting really good. And this is not, this has been my experience in the hundreds of thousands of other people's experience. And if you are still drinking and you're listening to this sober podcast, which sounds like a nutty thing to do, but I know people who do it. You don't have to live like you're living these days. You can right all the wrongs as unfortunate or as uncomfortable as that sounds, to the weight that gets lifted off of you when you make things right. You don't even know how much weight you're carrying around because you've been carrying around for so long. And so that's a gift that I get to go give that 30-day chip tonight. It's a gift that I get to work with other guys, it's a gift that I get to drive myself to a meeting. There was a point in time in my life where I wasn't ever going to get my license back. I'm grateful that I get to do all those things. That's the definition of a successful life, if you ask me. A successful life doesn't necessarily mean you got gobs of money in the bank. That certainly qualifies. But a lot of folks that have gobs of money in the bank, they're not very happy. And you don't need all that to be happy. If you do need all that to be happy, it's probably going to feel like a a a tough life. And I thought for years that making a pile of money would make me happy. And don't get me wrong, it does buy some things that make you very happy, but it doesn't really sustain unless you have a higher purpose. And your purpose can't just be to make money because that's not fulfilling. And maybe that does fulfill you, and if it does, I think that's great. But for me, yes, of course, having money makes a difference. But the the mission's not the money, but the money makes the mission happen. And so you know, if you are in recovery and you're struggling, maybe you're living in a halfway house, or maybe your wife's getting ready to leave you, or maybe you are behind on everything, and you think, well, Jesus Christ, now that I'm sober, why are these things not working out? Just try to ask yourself for a second, are you doing things in the right way? Are you doing the next right thing? Are you introducing yourself to that newcomer that comes in the door that like somebody did you? Because that's where the gifts are. The gifts are in getting out of yourself, being selfless instead of selfish. And it's hard to get out of that mindset, man. Alcoholics are inherently selfish people. But when you think less about yourself and more about others, it does, there's a there's a formula there that works. At least that's been that's been my experience. If you think about all the scrapes and shit that you've dodged in your life, all the things that could have been worse, but they weren't. That's a gift. I mean, I could go on for the next six days about all the things that should have happened to me that didn't. I mentioned one earlier. I should have had probably twenty five felonies and nothing happened. And so it's my job now to make amends for that action 25 years ago. And uh and I actually look forward to amends these days because I know the result, and the result is I'm gonna be more free than I was the day before, before I made that amends, and that's just God's honest truth. But look, you can hang on to that stuff as long as you want, and uh you can be miserable as long as you want, but when you get a taste of the freedom on the other side of this, you'll understand why it's so important to not live like that. You'll understand that it's a gift to be sober, it's a gift to not struggle day in and day out. And I don't know. When you're going to start seeing those gifts, it might be a year, it might be two, it might be six months, it may be 30 days, maybe 90 days, who knows? But what I can tell you from my own experience is your life's gonna get easier at some point if you just get sober and actually work a program of recovery. Just being sober and not picking up a drink is certainly one thing, and hats off to you for doing that. But likely you're still miserable. At least that's what I was. I was still unhappy and I still felt like a victim, and that's no place, that's just not the any way to live. And I so I just ask you to do look at the gifts in your life, look at the opportunities that you have, whether they seem like opportunities today or not, down the road, you're gonna look at these things that may not feel like opportunities now and recognize. I hope that this was put here exactly the way it was supposed to be put here because the lesson you got, the gift that you got from going through that hard thing. I can't tell you it's gonna be fun, but what I can tell you are the promises and the results on the other side are well worth every bit of it. Would I want to do it all over? Absolutely not. Would I want to go through some of the stuff I've gone through? Absolutely, unequivocally, without a doubt, not. But I can tell you this. My life is pretty sweet today. I don't have everything in the world, I don't have millions of dollars in the bank, but I got a life worth living, and I didn't have that when I was drinking, and I didn't have that with those years I was smoking weed, I just didn't have it. I was tortured every day in those times of my life. I was so down and just so just I wasn't a very happy person. And I like to be happy. I like for things to go smooth. I like to not have to worry about what's gonna happen past today because today's all we have. So you never know. You just never know. So you want to make it a great day. Try to make every day a great day. You can start your day over whenever you want. So, yeah, just ask you, look for the gifts in your life. What opportunities do you have? Some folks don't have legs, they don't have feet, they don't have an arm, they don't have a leg, they don't have right. Maybe that's not you, and maybe that'll never happen to you, but it certainly has happened to some folks, and it would really, it probably wouldn't be it'd probably suck if any of those things happened to me, but I'd also get through it, and I'd like to think I'd get through it. And I'll also know this. I'm gonna I'm gonna end with this. There's absolutely unequivocally, without a doubt, zero in my life that's gonna get better if I pick up a drink or a drug that I can guarantee you. Not a freaking thing in my life is going to improve if I pick up a drink or a drug. But guaranteed, my life is gonna be worse if I pick up a drink or a drug. So if you've heard nothing I've heard today and you're thinking about picking up a drink, just know it ain't gonna get better. That I promise you, dude. I've tried it, it does not get better, but it does get worse. And so try this sober way of life, man. It's it's pretty incredible. So if you haven't subscribed to the podcast, please do that at successfullifepodcast.com or on Apple or wherever you listen, doesn't matter. We're on every channel, imaginable Spotify. There's about a thousand other ones. And leave a review if you don't mind. If you're if you are an Apple Podcast listener, leave it on Apple Podcast. That would be really dope. And we'd really appreciate that. Spotify, you can't really do that, but you can give a thumbs up or whatever it is. And uh share this with somebody that might need to hear it. You never know whose life you could change today. You could be of maximum service by sharing this message with somebody that needs to hear it. Don't do it for me. Do it to be helpful to another person. All right, guys, I appreciate you. We'll see you next week.