Recovery, Ego, and the Masks We Wear

After moving from Raleigh to Wilmington, I expected a change of scenery. What I didn’t expect was questioning my identity all over again.

In this episode of The Successful Life Podcast, I share what it’s been like starting over in a new city, building new relationships in recovery, and realizing how easy it is to define ourselves by our careers, accomplishments, or the roles we play.

We talk about:

• Why your job isn’t your identity.
• The masks we wear to gain approval.
• How the ego can quietly take control.
• Why authentic connection matters more than recognition.
• The role faith and service play in long-term recovery.
• What the recovery community has taught me about living with purpose.
• Why making a decision isn’t enough—you have to take action.

Whether you’re in recovery, navigating a major life transition, or simply trying to figure out who you are beyond your title or accomplishments, this conversation offers a practical perspective on building a life rooted in authenticity instead of image.

If this episode helped you, please subscribe, share it with someone who needs to hear it, and leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Your support helps more people discover the show and join the conversation.

https:newpathemployment.com

 https://www.audible.com/pd/9-Simple-Steps-to-Sell-More-ht-Audiobook/B0D4SJYD4Q?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=library_overflow

https://www.amazon.com/Simple-Steps-Sell-More-Stereotypes-ebook/dp/B0BRNSFYG6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1OSB7HX6FQMHS&keywords=corey+berrier&qid=1674232549&sprefix=%2Caps%2C93&sr=8-1

 https://www.linkedin.com/in/coreysalescoach/

Transcript

CoreyBerrier 0:01

Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast. I'm your host, Corey Berrier, and it's been a minute since we've done a recording. I've been in the process of moving from Raleigh to Wilmington, North Carolina. And I'll give you a quick update. It's been this move has been incredible. I really could not have imagined in my wildest dreams that this would be what it is. The recovery community down here is unbelievable. The people that I've got had an opportunity to meet mostly in recovery, incredible. And it's been a few weeks since I've done this. And uh so here we go. It's been a minute, but I wanted to share with you, and I've talked about this before on here, but it's just been a minute. It's interesting when I leaving Raleigh and coming here, I had a bit of a I had a bit of a identity crisis, if you will. And because I was this person in the last 25 years in Raleigh, that I appear everybody knows who I am, they know what I do, they know what I don't do, yada yada yada. I'm a pretty open book. But coming here, people don't know who I am, and so I kind of got caught with this uh a bit of an identity crisis when I got here. Like, who do I need to show up as? And who do I not need to show up as? And this old mindset that I used to have around having so many different identities, especially when I was not in recovery. I woke up one day and didn't realize who the hell I was. And so coming here, I go to meetings and sometimes I share, and sometimes I don't share. And so I kind of struggled with well, how do people share here and what do they share, and how do they go about their recovery? And the truth of the matter is it really doesn't matter what people share about and what they don't share about, and what's what I think I should share and what I shouldn't share. I share when it's time for me to share. And for me, as long as I share authentically and uh genuinely, then it's the thing I need to share. I don't know if that made any sense. The point is, it's like I overthink so many things. I overthink everything, and I got away from that for the longest time, and I was pretty much at peace with not overthinking everything, but coming here and shifting everything over from one city to the next and then not knowing anybody. I kind of got caught up in those old patterns a little bit. Now I've only been here a week, so it's not like it's I've slipped too far down the down the I don't even know what a what example I was trying to give you. I haven't I've only been here a week, so it's not like it's that big of a deal. But the point is, is I just thought it was weird that after doing the work that I've done in really figuring out who I am, what I want, that I get down here and then I'm like confused about who I am and what I want. And that's weird. It's a weird spot to be in. And so fortunately, I met this guy, Andrew, in uh I met him here. And uh probably shouldn't have said his name because I should have left it anonymous, but nobody knows who he is because they're not going to connect him with me and me with him and all that good stuff, but we'll just call him Andrew for conversation purposes. And uh we had this long conversation about identities and masks and uncovering the layers that we've packed on over the years, and these are the kind of conversations I love having with people in recovery because I'm really at a crossroads here. I really shouldn't have said his name, but it doesn't matter. I'm gonna move forward. I'll tell him I said his name. I won't put it out if he doesn't want me to put it out, but I have a feeling he's not gonna care. Anyhow, so me and this gentleman were having a conversation about shedding masks and different identities and how it is a struggle when you first get sober figuring out who you are and who you're not. Because like me, I've put on so many different layers over the years. There wasn't one day I just didn't know who I was. Am I a podcast host? Am I an author? Am I a sales guy? Am I whatever, right? Fill in the blank. The truth is, I'm none of the all those things are part of what I do, but those things don't define who I am and what I am. And I often get caught up in presenting myself with those things because those things I'm known for. And I've tried to shy away from even bringing those things up with anybody down here because I don't people will figure that stuff out as we go along, right? If they want to figure it out, and if they don't figure it out, it's perfectly fine. But I remember for years I hid behind the mask of being the host of this podcast called Successful Life Podcast, and because I've interviewed a bunch of cool people or whatever, lots of times people think that I'm somebody that I'm not, and uh I'm genuinely authentic on here. I don't know that I've always been that way. But the times that I wasn't genuinely authentic, I wasn't even sure, I didn't even know if that makes any sense. This conversation feels very confusing, but hopefully it's not confusing to you. And if you can identify with that, then well, then hopefully you can identify with that. And if you can't, then I totally understand my point is if you meet somebody and you say, Oh, yeah, tell me about yourself. Well, I am an engineer, or I'm a doctor in the ER, or I am a whatever, and that's not really telling people about you, that's telling people what you do for a job, but that doesn't define you and it doesn't define me. But oftentimes we allow those things to define us. And uh it comes natural to say I'm an engineer or I'm a sales guy or whatever, fill in the blank. But that's not really who you are, that's just what you do for a living. But we are we often define ourselves as what we do for a living, me included. I I'm not certainly not, I'm certainly not exempt from this. But when I meet people now, they say, oh yeah, you know what? Tell me about yourself. Well, you start out by what you do as a job. And so I would start out by telling people, oh, I host a podcast, yada yada, because people will go, oh, that's really cool. How long you've been doing that? That's yada yada yada. And so it made me feel good when people would say, Oh, you host a podcast, that must be whatever. And I don't think hosting a podcast is that big of a deal. In fact, I don't think it's a big deal at all. It's just me getting on here yakking about shit that I want to talk about. It has nothing, there's really no like superpower behind sitting behind a computer and talking to you and putting it out on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or all the other areas that it's in. For me, that it just doesn't seem like it's that big of a deal, but I use that as I would use that as kind of an ego play because people would think that's cool, and then they tell me it's cool, and that makes me feel good. And when I feel when people make me feel good, it feeds my ego. Well, that's a bad, that's a dangerous spot. So if you're an alcoholic like me, ego is is a dangerous thing. Now, ego is not always dangerous, but for somebody like me, it's dangerous. So when you tell me how great I am, my head gets so big it won't fit through the door. And like that's not great for me because then I think I'm someone that I'm not. And for years, before I got back into recovery in 2023, I ran the show. My ego for no good reason was so massive that I look back at how ridiculous I used to think. And it's embarrassing if I'm being totally completely honest with you. And so I've worked really hard to not have that egotistical. Um I I've just tried really hard not to be egotistical. And sometimes it comes out, and sometimes I can't help it. But I do try my best not to not to let my ego get in the way. And one of the things that really helps me not helps me not to allow my ego to get in the way is being of service to somebody else without anything without any expectations or anything in return. And you know, if you've not done something for somebody else without an expectation or without some sort of accolade, there's a there's something special about it. And uh it it does give you a feeling, unlike anything else, far better than somebody pumping my ego up, I can tell you that. And I think that's what we're supposed to do. I do think we're supposed to help other people when we can, uh, whether that be with uh helping people find a job, or whether that be picking them up to take them to a meeting, or whether that be just making a phone call to somebody to check to see how their day is, those are all things that you can do. Put a shopping cart back when some jackass leaves it in the parking lot because they're lazy. And um so look, uh I don't know if you can identify with any of these things. If you have struggled with drugs or alcohol, likely you can identify with these things because they're pretty f they're pretty regular pretty normal characteristics of people like us. And uh thank God I went through the program because going through the program and doing the things that that they have you do, the 12 steps, I mean you gotta really look at yourself and you gotta you gotta really pay attention and look at yourself in the mirror and decide if you want to keep living that way. And uh and I didn't. As many of you know from listening to this show, my story, and I'm not gonna get into my whole story, but I haven't drank for quite a long time, but I did I did smoke weed for a while, and for me, I can't be sober and smoke weed. I can't put mind altering substances in my body and claim to be sober. Some people might can do that, but for me it doesn't work spiritually, it disconnects me from God, and uh that doesn't really work out for me because if I'm spiritually disconnected from God, then I start playing God, and that's a terrible idea, let me just tell you. But uh hope everybody had a good 4th of July, happy 250th year for this country. It's a pretty big milestone, and I got to spend it with a bunch of dudes and a bunch of people that are in recovery, and the guy shot off. I don't know, God almighty, he must have spent ten thousand dollars on this amount of fireworks that he shot off. It was really unbelievable, it was really dope, it was really cool, and uh and just hung out with people in recovery that's doing fun shit without being drunk. And guess what? I didn't wake up with a hangover today. I don't know if you did, and if you did, I hate that for you. But I got up this morning and met some other people in recovery at the beach at 5:30 this morning, and we surfed in the ocean and watched the sunrise come up and talked, and then we went to a meeting, and that's a pretty great morning. For me, that is like a perfect morning. And uh, I just have learned how to surf thanks to a friend of mine. I'm pretty sure I broke my damn toe the first day. It is black and blue, but I survived and I'll continue to survive. And uh it's really there's something about this, something about being out in the ocean that early in the morning and seeing that sunrise come up that's just man, it just uh there's just something really spiritual about that experience. And uh, and then we got to go to a meeting, it's basically on the beach, which is really cool. And then plan on going to another thing today. So it's just been I mean, this little break that I took from the podcast and and moving, it's just been a really great experience. And the people that I've met here have been so welcoming and so just so inviting. Like they just I feel like I'm at home. It's been an unbelievable experience. I never would have imagined moving would make this big of a deal, but a buddy of mine often reminds me if nothing changes, Corey, nothing changes. And I was ready for a change, and uh, I just didn't know what was in store for me, but I relied on my faith, and the people that welcomed me into this town have been incredible. This whole week I've done nothing but meet other people and hang out with other people in recovery, and it's been pretty incredible. And so if you're listening to this and you're not sober, well, this is this is what you get when you're in recovery and you are truly sober and you're working the things that the steps that we talk about in recovery. When you do those things, they read out these ninth-step promises. And I always wondered, like, when are these things gonna happen for me? Because it doesn't seem like they're happening on my timeline. Nothing happens on my timeline, by the way. But the promises do come true, and if you are struggling, if you wake up today and you've been drinking from the night before or ten nights before, or ever how long you've been drinking, there is a better way. And you not only have to make a decision to get sober, but the harder part's taking the action to get sober. There uh I heard this joke that said there's three frogs that set it sitting on a log, and they all made a decision, or one of them, I should have said, made a decision to jump off. How many frogs are left? Three frogs are still left because the one that made the decision to jump off didn't take action and jump off. He just made a decision. So it's much like in recovery, you can make a decision to stop drinking, but unless you get off your ass and do something about it, you're still gonna be drunk. And you're still gonna be stuck in that fear and loneliness and despair and all the things that you feel before you get sober, and it sucks. And if you are going through that, I hate that for you. There is a better way, and if you're welcome to reach out to me, and I'll tell you how I did it. It doesn't mean my way is the only way for sure. Doesn't mean my way is even the right way, it just worked for me, and uh and I believe it probably would work for you as well. It's worked for countless other men and women just like you. And so I'm gonna do my best to keep this thing rocking and rolling every week. And I'm not sure about the guests, I haven't decided on that yet, but you may just have to listen to me yak and talk about recovery by myself. I haven't decided yet because I'm just not sure on what to do on that part, but I am gonna start this thing back up and we're gonna keep rocking and rolling. So every Friday, this will come out. I think it's gonna be every Friday, Jesus Christ. By it's Sunday, so I may change my mind. Maybe it'll be Monday. Who knows? But either way, whenever day it comes out next, how about that? Whatever day it comes out next, that's the day it's gonna be coming out every single week. So mark your calendars. If you haven't subscribed to the podcast, please do that. Whether it be on Apple or whether it be on Spotify or you wherever you're watching it or listening to it, it doesn't matter to me where it is. But subscribe so that way you know when the next one comes out, and you don't have to mark it in your calendar. You can just wait for the ding to come on your phone and say, hey, it's time to listen to Corey ramble on about his recovery journey. And I hope you'll join me. I really do hope you'll join me because I do like helping people. And if this has helped you, also you can reach out to me and tell me. You can find me on all the social channels. I don't answer DMs worth a damn. So if I don't get back to you in a week, don't take it personal. I don't get back to anybody in a week because I just don't, I'm not in my DMs. It's just not somewhere I don't like to communicate that way. But you're welcome to send it. Or you can just you can also subscribe to the website, successfullifepodcast.com, and I will get a notification that you've subscribed. And I've had people reach out to me through that, and that's how we've gotten connected, which was pretty cool. So uh it doesn't matter to me how you subscribe, but just subscribe so just subscribe. And uh yeah, so appreciate you guys listening, and uh, we'll see you uh next week.