Authenticity Beats Outcomes Every Time

Ever notice how hard you grip outcomes when you’re nervous—then watch everything slip anyway? We dig into a counterintuitive truth that changed our lives: releasing control doesn’t make you careless, it makes you effective. From sobriety to sales calls, first dates to job interviews, we connect the dots between patience, presence, and authenticity—and why expectations so often become premeditated resentments.

We unpack the early myth of instant transformation in recovery and replace it with practical tools: sit with discomfort, practice consistently, and let time compound. Then we map those lessons to high-pressure moments at work. After a tough call, we walk through a fast reset: debrief the objections, reframe the story, ask for help if you need it, and step into the next conversation clean. You’ll hear how a simple shift from outcome-chasing to service-first—What does this person need right now?—boosts trust, surfaces real blockers, and prevents you from carrying one loss into your next opportunity.

Honesty sits at the center of all of it. We talk about shedding masks, staying the same person on and off the mic, and why misalignment breeds anxiety and churn in business and relationships. Not every prospect is your customer, not every match is your partner, and that’s okay. When you respect fit, follow a sound process, and stay present, decisions come easier—and results often improve without the pressure. We close with gratitude for this community and a reminder that asking for help is not a failure of willpower but a pathway to connection and growth.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a quick review—what outcome are you letting go of this week?

Chapters

• 0:00 Setting The Stage In Orlando
• 3:39 Sobriety And Letting Go Of Control
• 6:11 Expectations As Premeditated Resentments
• 8:45 Sales Setbacks And Mindset Resets
• 11:20 Reflection, Prayer, And Reframing
• 13:45 Process, Presence, And Listening
• 16:56 Not Everyone Is Your Customer
• 20:21 Radical Honesty And Authenticity
• 23:46 Asking For Help And Serving Others
• 26:16 Gratitude And A Simple Request

Transcript

CoreyBerrier: 2:01

Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast. I'm your host, Corey Berrier. And today, folks, I'm recording this on Sunday because we're getting ready to fly out to Orlando for a few days to check out climate experts and see what they've got going on down there. I'm pretty excited to get to see Derek, who's been a friend of mine, I guess, for about three years now or so. And um, so I'm kind of getting a jump on the podcast just in case something happens. I have to stay longer for some reason. So uh hope everybody is having uh a great week. You know, I got to thinking about what I was gonna talk about today, and you know, I think uh when it comes to you know, when it comes to getting sober, one of the biggest things that I had to learn is letting go of control, letting go of control of outcomes, letting go of expectations and being patient. And I think this translates into every part of my life, you know, whether it's you're on a sales call, um, if you go into a sales call and you have expectations, you might get let down. And uh you can have goals with a conversation, whether it be in sales or whether it be you're going on a date, or whether that be you're trying to convince your wife or girlfriend or boyfriend to do something that you want them to do. Um, but but reducing expectations down to not having expectations, I think is been one of the biggest things that I've learned in sobriety because here's the thing when I got sober this time, which has been, I don't know, two years and seven months or eight months, something like that, you know, I expected things to change quickly. Right? I expected things almost like it was you know, almost like almost like, well, you know, if it gets sober now, then everything's gonna change and my life is gonna be, you know, everything's gonna be perfect. Well, that's just not how it goes. Um but putting in the work and uh going through the steps, being patient, sitting in discomfort, getting getting comfortable with being uncomfortable has made my life significantly easier. You know, uh when you have expectations, what we say in recovery is those are premeditated resentments. So, as an example, if you go on a date and you expect it to turn out wonderful, that you're gonna kiss at the end and you're gonna exchange numbers. Well, I guess you probably already have numbers, you're gonna sit set another date up, you're pre-planning to be upset if those things don't happen. Now, what if what if you just have no expectations about that date? What if you have no expectations about a job interview? What if you have no expectations of how your spouse is gonna act or how they're gonna react? And you just kind of let things settle, right? You just kind of let things go with the flow. I tell you what, it really helps with significantly is not feeling like you have to control the outcome. And you know, it's a slippery slope between you know controlling an outcome and being responsible, right? You you've got to put your first your best foot forward to get the outcome that you're looking for. But for me, then I gotta take my foot off the gas, and I've got to let God take control. And you know, asking for that, you know, saying a little prayer before you have to go do something that maybe you're nervous about, or maybe you are going into, let's just say that you just got your teeth kicked in, you thought this sale, because you had expectations, you thought this customer was gonna buy this $20,000 system from you. And they busted you with every objection that you couldn't answer. And you're anxious because the sale is not gonna go through, but you still got to finish out talking to this customer, and you should, because you never know, they may change their mind, or maybe you just have to answer a couple of more questions. But let's just say you don't get to that, and at the end of it, they decide they're gonna call another company and get a different estimate, which is the worst thing to hear because you feel like a failure, you feel like you didn't do a very good job. And I just want you to keep in mind it really has nothing to do with you. But now you're set up for your next call, and your mind is unless you can control your mind and you have emotional intelligence and you can compartmentalize that last conversation that didn't go well, you're gonna go into the next next call with a negative mindset, and people will pick up on that. You know, you'll go into the next date if the last one didn't go well with some apprehension. And what happens is people are gonna pick up on that apprehension, and you're gonna not show up a hundred percent, and that's not really fair to you, and it's not really fair to the customer, and it's not really fair to the date, it's not fair to the company you work for, but ultimately it's not fair to you. So, how do you get past a rough call if you're in sales? How do you get past that before you go to the next call? Well, what I do is, you know, I I have to put myself in the other person's shoes. And I gotta figure, I gotta think, well, maybe, you know, maybe they just weren't ready to make a decision. Maybe I didn't answer a question. Let me think about the questions they ask me. How could I have answered them differently as you're driving to your next call? And then ask for help. You know, if you are spiritual, ask your, you know, ask whatever you believe in for a little bit of help with your communication in that next conversation. And and ask for, you know, ask to not show up the same way you did at the last one. And again, this is not about you beating yourself up, which is typically what happens when things don't go well. We beat ourselves up, we think we're less than, we think we could have done better, we think we could have done this thing different, and those things could be the case, but you can't dwell on those things. And recovery's taught me that because you know, when I have a sponsee that I'm working with, and I make a suggestion to that sponsee, and they don't do it, it doesn't affect me. It doesn't affect me whatsoever. Um, they don't have to take my suggestions. My suggestions come from my experience, and and uh, you know, maybe that's not what they wanted to do, or maybe they're not ready to hear that. Just like the customer may not be ready to make a decision on moving forward. Now, if you're a good salesperson, you'll figure out what the holdup is. You'll spend enough time with that customer to find out why they're not moving forward with you. If you ran the process, like if you you're if you're a next r company and you run for the people in the trades, next are uh is a company that's got a process that's outstanding. I mean, it's better than any process that I know of. And if you run that process the way you're supposed to run it, then you know that you showed up a hundred percent, right? Listen, be kind. And that's kind of what you got to do with a lot of people, right? If you think about, um, we'll go back to the date situation. Your process may be that you don't shut up talking, and that person doesn't really want to hear you talking anymore. Now, now your process would be better if you ask engaging questions and listen to their answers. Because, like I mentioned in the last podcast, whether you're in a sales environment, whether you're me working with the sponsee, whether it be I'm on a date, whether it be I'm talking to my dad, whoever, my goal is to listen and to ask good questions and to be engaged with them right then and there. Because if I'm thinking about what I've got to do 30 minutes from now, I can't be present with you. And if you're thinking about that next cell that you're going to, that next customer, you're going to, you can't be present with that current customer. And it's crazy to me that you would burn a call because you're thinking about the next person. Now, a lot of companies won't even send you that next call until you complete the last one, and that's why they do that, because they don't want you rushing through the call. You don't want to rush through a date. Now, think about this. If you're taking a beautiful woman on a date, you don't want to rush that. And you probably won't rush it because you're enjoying your time. Now, if you get matched up with somebody on one of these apps and they suck, that might be a different story. You know, that's when you also have to be true to yourself. And if you've got a customer that's just not your customer, you've got to recognize that and uh politely move on. Because as I said in the last podcast, not everybody is your customer, not every girl is gonna be the next person you're gonna marry, and so you can't go into these conversations thinking that way. Not every sponsee is gonna stay sober, not every sponsee is gonna be honest, and that's okay, you know, as long as I show up genuinely with an honest intention, then I've done my part, and you know, if you get nervous on that day or you get nervous on that sales call, it's probably because you're not showing up authentically, and this is something I've had to work on because for years I didn't love who I was, you know, that's why I drank and drugged because I was running from the person that I was, I didn't really want to see that person because I didn't value myself, and I've changed that, and you can change it as well, and uh sometimes it's uncomfortable to value yourself, but as you do it and build that muscle like you would in the gym, that repetition, you'll find your life will go a lot smoother. You'll find that being more authentic is what people really want. And you know, I've been doing this podcast now for six years, and I haven't always been authentic on it. That's just the God's honest truth. There have been many times where you know I get on here and I get riled up and I start spouting out a bunch of junk, and I go back, go back and listen to it, and I'm like, well, what was that? And so, you know, practice doesn't necessarily make perfect, but it'll make you better. And getting repetitions in makes you better, but you've got to reflect on your actions after you have an encounter, whether it's a good encounter, whether it's a bad encounter, what did I do right? What could I have done better? And then you move on. Because it doesn't help you in your mindset if you beat the crap out of yourself. It doesn't help your family when you're in a place that is you know less than a hundred percent. And like people just want to know who you are, they don't really care about all the things, right? I could get on here and tell you all the things that I've done, but people don't care about that. You know, it's not that I don't think they're important and they're valuable because they are, but at the end of the day, I believe people just want authenticity, genuine authenticity. And it may take some work to find that for you, because it's taken some work to find that for me. Because I haven't, like I said, I haven't always been that way. And uh I found that when I'm more authentic, people are more receptive to that. You know, people can see through the masks and they can tell that something's not quite right. And at this stage in my life, I'm not interested in that. I'm interested in what you see is what you get, you know, and I don't mean that in like an ego-centric way. I just mean if I'm the same person here with you as I am 30 minutes after this is done, then I don't have to worry about changing or a day from now. I'm just gonna be me, and you can just be you. You know, people really enjoy that. And if you're in a sales role, it's vitally important that you're authentic. Because people can smell when you're not being truthful. And the same way with a date, the same way with interactions with other people, you know, if you've got a mask on on the first date, and their gift becomes a second, third, fifth, tenth, eventually those masks are gonna fade, and then it's gonna be the real person, and that may not be what they signed up for. They may not have signed up for the real person. So why would you go through all that just to maybe get your heart broken or go through a job interview and not be honest? Because eventually that's gonna come out, and that can be the same on the employer side, you know. Uh if an employer tells you how great things are and how things are the you know, systems and processes are in place, and then they're not, well, you're not gonna enjoy working there. And that company's probably not gonna be successful if that's the case. And I've worked for companies like that. I'm certainly not gonna name any names, but people don't stick around for those companies, they leave, you know, because that's not what they signed up for. They signed up for the things that you told them were happening, and when those things don't happen, it makes people want to leave your organization, or it makes the girlfriend want to leave the relationship if it becomes one. It makes um people in your life not really want to be around you if you can't be honest, and um, you know, it's uh and sobriety's given me that ability because there's certain things that you have to do while you're getting sober or that you're you should be doing, I guess. I shouldn't even say you should, it's what I did. Um I took suggestions and I listened, and I reached out and asked for help. And let me tell you, you know, asking for help is one of the hardest things that you can have to do. You know, when you're first coming in to recovery, you feel less than, you feel like a loser, you feel like you shouldn't be there. You know, and the last thing you want to do is ask for help because you don't feel like you're worth it. But I can tell you, my experience with getting sober and being in recovery has changed the way I think about these things. It's changed my mindset to see that I am valuable and that people do want to be around the real person, the real me. And so I've talked about you know, fear of rejection and imposter syndrome recently because you know those things will hold you back, and and it's really just in your mind, right? People are not necessarily perceiving you as you perceive you again. You know, we think that we're not good enough to be in the situation we're in, so therefore we could sabotage that situation. And early on in sobriety, believe me, people do, and that's why they go back out. And this is so important that you know, if you are in recovery, you reach out to someone and you ask for help. And uh the same thing as it would be if you're in you know your business environment or whatever that might be, you know, asking for help. It uh it unlocks people's heart, you know, it g allows other people to be of service to you. Just like when a sponsee calls me for help, I have an opportunity to be of service to them, and then it allows me at that moment not to think about me as much, but think about them and what their needs are and how I can share my experience, strength, and hope with them so they can recover because I want people to recover. That doesn't mean I've got an expectation because I certainly don't at this stage, it's not my decision. But what I can do is be of service when needed, and it's the same thing with a job, it's the same thing with a girlfriend, same thing with whatever. You know, it's how can you contribute to that person's life? How can you make their lives better? How can you make that business better? How can you show up as an asset to these situations? And um look, you'll feel better about yourself. You know, service first is the way I think about things, and what I mean by that is how can I be of service instead of what can I get out of this? How can I be of service to you? And that's why I like doing this podcast because hopefully I'm being of service while you're listening to this, because that's my goal here is to help you in any way that I can. And uh sometimes it may help and sometimes it may not, but I'm really, really thankful that you tune in every week. And uh I'm hoping that something I've said resonates with you. That's how that's my goal here. Um, you know, I do this podcast because I really enjoy it. I really enjoy talking with you every week. And uh it gives me an outlet to share things like today. And I know I've packed a lot into this conversation, but look, go back and listen to it. I appreciate you listening. This will come out Friday, 4 a.m. You've probably already dialed in. And listen, I appreciate all of you for listening. I'm very grateful for every single listener that supports this podcast. So grateful for it. Because without you, this podcast wouldn't be here. You know, and if you would share this with somebody that you think might need it, and uh maybe you can be of service to them by sharing this podcast. Appreciate you guys, and we'll see you soon.