I Wasn’t A Fraud, I Was Just Drunk And Terrified

What if the confidence you’ve been chasing is really a mask that’s wearing you down? I open up about imposter syndrome, fear of rejection, and the years I used alcohol and drugs to feel like I belonged. The stories aren’t pretty—Vegas couches, dangerous company, and the slow erosion of self-worth—but they’re true, and they explain why shortcuts to confidence always collapse.

Sobriety didn’t magically erase my doubts; it gave me clear ground to do the work. I talk through the humbling season of losing jobs, driving Uber to keep moving, and learning to accept where I am instead of clinging to a fantasy of where I should be. We get into practical tools: using transcendental meditation to sit still and face hard truths, putting action behind prayer, and choosing surrender over force so progress doesn’t rely on white-knuckling everything alone. I share how making amends—especially around a stalled AI venture—helped loosen the grip of imposter thoughts and made selling from service feel possible again.

You’ll also hear why real community matters. Recovery gave me people who show up, no questions asked, and that kind of support flips the script on isolation. Along the way, a carful of executives reminded me that even polished professionals wrestle with the same fears. If you’re leaning on alcohol or weed to outrun rejection, consider this a clear warning: the bill comes due, and it’s brutal. There’s a better path built on honesty, small daily actions, and faith that meets you halfway.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a quick review. Your words help more people find a real way forward. New episodes drop every Friday at 4 a.m.

Chapters

• 2:01 Naming Fear And Imposter Syndrome
• 4:14 Alcohol As A Mask
• 7:00 Drifting Into The Wrong Crowd
• 8:40 Vegas Spiral And Red Flags
• 11:55 Rock Bottom Moments On A Couch
• 14:25 Gratitude For Survival And Sobriety
• 15:40 Humility, Uber, And Acceptance
• 18:48 Authenticity Over Image
• 20:41 Meditation And Looking Inward
• 22:36 Surrender, Faith, And Action
• 24:16 Recovery Community And Real Support
• 26:06 Imposter Syndrome Is Everywhere
• 28:01 Making Amends And Owning The Work
• 29:46 Encouragement And Clear Warnings

Transcript

CoreyBerrier: 1:00

Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast. I am your host, Corey Berrier. And today, folks, we're going to go a little bit deep into the paint, so to speak. You know, as I've talked about my sobriety on this podcast and some of those things, the journey that I've been on and the different things that have happened. You know, one of the things that I've come to realize is there's a lot of imposter syndrome that I deal with. There's a lot of fear of rejection that I deal with. And I see this in salespeople all the time. The reason I can I can see it in salespeople is because I deal with the same thing. You know, for me, it gave me the opportunity, you know, to be somebody else. It gave me the opportunity to really to show you who I really wasn't, but who I really wanted to be. Alcohol's that liquid courage. And you know, from an early age, alcohol made me feel different. Alcohol made me feel like a different person, it made me feel like I fit in, it made me feel like I was a part of the group. And um, and I'm sure all that stems from childhood. I mean, from what I've found recently, yeah, it it all stems from childhood. I'm not exactly sure. Can't pinpoint the specific, you know, time or place that happened, or maybe there was multiple times or places that happened, who knows? But the point is, is you know, alcohol covers up that fear of rejection, that imposter syndrome, that thought in your mind, or in my mind, that says, you know, you're not good enough to be on the team, or you're not good enough to be in this position, or I had to pause this recording because I had an important message come through, and so I thought about just redoing the whole damn podcast, and I thought, you know what, it's it doesn't really matter. I'm gonna pick up as best as I can, you know, where I where I left off because it is what it is, shit happens, and um so it was talking about fear of rejection, imposter syndrome, and how alcohol helped me to cover that up. And it did it for a lot of years, and um that's why I kept doing it because it made me feel different than how I wanted to feel. You know, it made me feel like I was, like I said earlier, a part of the group, you know, and the part of the group that drank and did drugs was uh certainly in high school the people that I wanted to be with, in college, the people I wanted to be with. But you know, there were also times where I didn't want to be in that group, and I remember I thought about this the other day. You know, I remember when I was between high school and college. Um, I remember I was working in a restaurant and I made friends with this girl, and she said she had a friend also named Corey. And ironically, no joke, he was also born on the same day, different year, but same date of birth, same name. He did spell his name differently, but either way, it was like coincidences. I don't really believe in coincidences, so I thought, well, this has got to be a wonderful human being if all those things match up. And um this guy was a he was a carney, and so I remember, you know, I didn't grow up like that. I grew up in a in a in a nice neighborhood with good, you know, good parents for the lack of, you know, uh, they were good to me, so to speak. You know, they were you know, they did the best with what they had, and um you know, I'm sitting in this guy's you know, in his shitty, shitty house. And we're doing, you know, we're doing cocaine, and this has been, you know, at this point 30, almost 30 years ago. And I just remember thinking to myself, like, how the hell did I wind up here in this guy's shitty house doing drugs with a guy with a guy that is a carney that he works at the carnival? And I mean, you in my opinion, outside of one other story I'll tell you, you don't get much lower than that. I mean, God almighty, I I can only think of one other time that I felt that way, and I don't even think I felt as bad this time as I did that time, but I remember um so I moved to Las Vegas because I got when I got I just had a funny feeling. My best friend had moved out there with his fiance, and um I just had a weird, weird feeling I was dealing drugs back in my hometown, and you know, my life was going nowhere. And so I decided to board a train for five and a half days to Las Vegas, technically it was to Needles, California, and then I had to take a van to Las Vegas because the train doesn't run through Vegas, and so I get out there, and him and I, you know, do a bunch of drugs and get kicked out of his fiance's house, and we're staying with this lady, and so there's two parts to this. So we're staying with this lady that I worked with at this telemarketing company, and at night, now keep in mind this woman was 250 pounds, looked awful. I mean, she was disgusting. Her house was disgusting, but we really had nowhere else to go. And at night, she was a 1-900-number operator, meaning she was a phone sex worker, and so I'm in this house doing drugs with my best friend and her, and that's her job at night. You can just imagine, and this was the nastiest house you've ever seen in your life. It was about as nasty as the other Corey's house, it was disgusting. I didn't stay there very long. So I moved in with this other guy that I worked with named Perry from Ohio, who had few teeth. I mean, just again, another situation where I found myself because of my drug and alcohol use, that was ridiculous. I slept in a room with a boa constrictor, and I am terrified of snakes. So I meet this guy, Ian, upstairs in this apartment complex. And he's from the East Coast. He's the only guy I know from the East Coast because my best friend went back to his fiance. And long story short, him and I started hanging out doing more drugs, harder drugs than anything I've mentioned so far. And I remember sitting on a couch, you know, I had a polo shirt on and, you know, khaki shorts and tennis shoes looking like I came off the golf course. Um, and I was sitting between this guy, these two guys, one was named Ed to my right, and one guy was named Stormy to my left. Now I'm sitting on a couch with these two clowns, and they knew each other from a maximum security prison. So not good people. Stormy had a car key that would fit any Saturn in the city, and he would just steal Saturns to get around. I mean, like, when you talk about criminals, these people were the hardest criminals I had ever been around in my life. But they had drugs, so it was fine. We're sitting on this couch, and the television was on. The five o'clock news comes on. And sure as I sit, as sure as I sit here today, Stormy and Ed were on the five o'clock news for robbing a small casino outside of Las Vegas. Dude, I almost had a flipping stroke. And literally, I just I was paralyzed. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do anything, thank God. And nobody in the room said a word about anything, they just acted like it didn't happen. Well, shortly, Stormy and Ed left, thank God. And Ian looks at me and he's like, dude, I don't, I'm not so sure how you're still sitting here. I said, I'm not sure either. And I got out of there, and needless to say, I never went back. But you know, my confidence was so low, and my self-worth was so low. That's the kind of places that drugs and alcohol took me. And thank God there is a God, because if there weren't, I would be dead. And um, you know, it's you know, it's stories like that that I look back on and I think God that I don't have to worry about those things today. That doesn't mean that I still have a whole lot of self-confidence, that doesn't mean that I'm not don't feel like an imposter a lot of times. It doesn't mean that I've defeated the fear of rejection because none of those things are true. But what is true today is I am working on those things, and the truth is I don't have it all together. You know, I've lost a couple of jobs this year, and I'm currently driving Uber because it is the thing that I can do right now to make money, and thank God it's there, and thank God I'm sober because otherwise I'd probably just be sitting watching all my bills pile up with this grand illusion that somehow magically I'm just gonna get a job offer tomorrow and everything's gonna be okay. And then I would think that the next day. And then I would think that the next day until I was so far in the hole that um that I'd probably be thinking about doing something that I shouldn't be doing. And, you know, that's where alcohol can take me, or or or weed even, um, is not thinking clearly about my current situation and living in this delusion of grandeur that has in the past kept me stuck. I mean, there's a lot of times that I think I'm way smarter than I am, or that I'm way better than I am. There's a lot of times I think that I should be in a much better position than I am. And the truth of the matter is, is I've had to accept exactly where I am in my current journey. And that is I get up and I grind every day the best I can until the next best thing comes around. And it's been, you know, it's been a very humbling experience. You know, I've got this podcast, and I think people look at me a certain way, and maybe they do, but here's the truth of the matter: you're just looking at another dude like you behind a microphone, and that's the only difference between you and me if you don't have a podcast. I struggle with the same shit you struggle with. I struggle with the same crazy thoughts that you struggle with, you know, and I'm just being honest with you here. Because that's all I need to do is just to be honest and transparent with you, because I don't I don't think it serves me to act like I've got it all together. And believe me, I've tried that. And it's a struggle doing that, because when, you know, when it's you know, when you're not being honest and you've got a mask on and you're trying to portray that you're this person that you're not, it wears you down. And maybe you've struggled with this at times. Maybe you're a single guy and you're trying to date women and you're showing them all your best sides. Well, guess what? That that dirtbag side of you is gonna come out eventually. You know, um I think people appreciate authenticity. And I haven't always been authentic, I can tell you. But you know, I mentioned this in the last podcast. I've been doing this uh transcendental meditation that has given me a bit of insight uh that I didn't have before. It's given me the ability to sit still for a little bit, which has been an awful challenge for me all my life. You know, I'm constantly moving, I'm constantly doing something, I'm constantly filling my day with something, whether it's a book, which is helpful, unless you're just trying not to look at yourself, or whether that's social media, or whether that's fill in the blank. Like I can find a million reasons to not look at the hard things in my life. I can think of a million, you know, because it's not it's painful to look at the areas of your life that are not going well. But the only way I think to get past those things that are not going well is to look at them and figure out well, why what are you doing, Corey? What are you doing that is making you feel this way? And I know this is kind of a deep conversation, and and again, a lot of that stuff stems from childhood, but still you've got to look at why you make the decisions that you make. I have to look at the decisions, why I make the decisions that I make. And sometimes, a lot of times, that's because I'm trying to play God. You know, I'm trying to run the show. And I mean, I can just tell you that doesn't work. For me, it does, it just doesn't work. And, you know, no matter how hard I try to fit that round peg into that square hole, it's just not gonna work. But I can try, you know, I can try to wheel my way through life and it doesn't go very well. It's difficult when you're trying to make something work and it's just not working. It's much easier to rely on something else bigger than you. For me, that's God, to take control of the wheel. Because when I'm driving, it's a disaster. But when I relax, take it easy, and allow things to come into my life as they're supposed to, and not the way I want them to, my life seems to be a bit easier. But it's not easy. It's not easy doing that because you think, well, I'm a dude, I've got to make things happen. And there is some degree to that. You have to put action behind what you say. You know, and I'm not suggesting that you don't need to take action. You can't just pray to God that things are gonna change and do nothing, because that's not also not gonna work. You know, if you're praying for things to change, then you've got to put the action behind those things if you want them to change. Because it doesn't, it's not just gonna happen magically, and and it's not gonna happen if you don't meet God halfway. And that's what I had to do with my sobriety is I had to humble myself and say, you know what, I can't do this anymore alone. And then I had to ask for help, and that's a hard thing for a male like me to do is to ask for help. You know, um, but one of the things that I am very grateful for is the people that I'm surrounded by in recovery. You know, I messaged a guy today and I said, Hey, would you be willing to meet me for lunch tomorrow? He's like, Absolutely, Corey, anytime. Now, if you think about it, how many people in your life do you have that way? Because before I got into recovery, I had nobody. I had nobody that would be willing to drop what they're doing and go meet me for lunch because I asked them to. He didn't ask me why. He didn't say, What do you want? He just said absolutely. It gives me cold chills, makes the hair stand. Well, if I had hair on my arms, it would make them stand up. Because listen, you know, beginning recovery has changed my life. And I believe that it could change yours if you are struggling with some of the things that I've listed today, in addition to drugs and alcohol. You know, some of these things can happen in your life without having the substance abuse. Um, you know, I was doing a an Uber ride earlier today, and these three guys, I was taking them to the most prestigious country club in Kerry. Probably cost $50,000 to join there. And, you know, immediately when they got in the car, I felt less than. Right? I'm just the Uber driver. I'm just the guy that's chauffeuring these rich people around. This was my first thought. And we start driving, they're really nice, you know, they were really nice people, and uh they were talking about they're here for for a conference, and they were talking about how this speaker came on and talked about fear of rejection. And he talked about how he had imposter syndrome, and that's kind of what made me think about this today because I'm sitting there thinking, oh, I'm just the chauffeur, right? I'm just the guy draw-ubering these well-to-do people off. And all three of those people in that car said, I suffer with the same exact thing. Now I'm just listening to the conversation, I'm not talking, I'm not, you know, I'm just doing my job while they're talking. And so it made me think, you know, how many people also struggle with imposter syndrome? How many other people struggle with the fear of rejection? You know, my you know, I was partnering in an AI company and uh making amends to people that I owe amends to. And so I sent my my partner a message and I said, you know, I need to make an amends to you because my imposter syndrome and my fear of rejection kicked in, and we could have made this a successful company. And it it was successful in its own right, maybe not financially successful, but we did build a bunch of cool things. And um, but we just could never move the needle on those things. And that's because I didn't I felt like I was an imposter, even though we I knew the the things worked, like the the things that we built worked, and they were amazing. And um, but I just couldn't I couldn't move the needle forward. And as a sales guy, that's really tough. And I think for me, you know, in the past, it's easier for me to sell something of yours than it is for me to sell myself because I deal with that imposter syndrome and I deal with that um that fear of rejection. And um and he wrote me back and said, you know, Corey, everybody deals with that. This guy's really smart. I mean, like stupid smart. And he said, Look, dude, I I've dealt with it in my life, and it's okay. He said, We built some really cool things, and it's been great working with you. And the feeling that gave me was, you know, coupled with these people talking, it's like, wow, how many people really do deal with imposter syndrome in fear of rejection? I I'm guessing a lot more than I think, you know, because lots of times I'm only thinking about me and what I'm dealing with, and I must be the only person in the world dealing with this thing. And the truth is, is that it's probably just not the case. And so I don't know if you got anything out of today. I hope you did. Um, maybe some of this resonated with you, and and maybe you're one of those people also. I don't know. Um, I just don't know. But I know I definitely fall into that category, and I'm I'm working on those things to to get better. And um, and I would encourage you to do the same thing. And if you are struggling with drugs and alcohol, man, you know, you can only cover up that hurt and that fear and that imposter syndrome for so long, and then that that drug or that alcohol turns on you. And when it turns on you, now you've got all that stuff I just mentioned, plus you've got a drug and alcohol problem. And that's a disaster. That's a recipe for disaster. And it's not going to work out for you, most likely. I haven't met anybody yet that it's worked out for. And so I appreciate you listening to the podcast today. It drops every Friday at 4 a.m. And um I'd appreciate if you'd share it with somebody that may need to hear it. I'd love to get some feedback in that review section, that always helps. And uh, I appreciate you showing up here every week. I'm very grateful for you showing up here every week to listen to me yammer on about whatever it is on my mind that week. And I do hope it's helpful. Um, but if nothing else, it helps me to kind of get this out. You know, it helps me to just to be honest with you and uh tell you where I'm at. And uh I appreciate you again. We'll see you next Friday.