From Resentment To Responsibility: Building Character Without Shortcuts

What if your job title isn’t who you are, and the real proof of character shows up in the choices you make when no one is watching? We dig into that question through the lens of recovery, responsibility, and the everyday habits that either build integrity or break it down. From asking for help to making amends, we unpack how sober clarity turns micro resentments into momentum and why quiet, ten-minute pauses can reveal more about your life than an hour of doom scrolling.

I share the uncomfortable truths I had to face: fear of rejection, low self-worth, and the cost of not asking for what I need at work and at home. We talk through a simple silence practice to cut through noise, the opportunity cost of social media, and the subtle ways outrage hijacks attention. Then we connect those lessons to sales, where pressure and shortcuts often masquerade as skill. You’ll hear a practical script for presenting honest options without manipulation, how to ask better questions when a customer says no, and why feedback—however painful—becomes your fastest lever for growth.

This conversation is a call to choose the long game: integrity over shortcuts, responsibility over blame, and curiosity over fear. If you’ve ever felt weighed down by tiny resentments, stuck in distraction loops, or tempted to sell something you wouldn’t sell to your own mom, this is your reset. Listen, reflect, then pick one honest action today—one amends, one ask, one small promise kept in the dark. If this resonated, subscribe, leave a quick review, and share it with someone who needs a nudge toward better choices. Your future self will thank you.

Chapters

• 2:00 What Defines You Beyond Titles
• 4:00 Sobriety And The Cost Of Ego
• 7:00 Fear, Rejection, And Silent Resentments
• 11:30 Micro Resentments And Self-Distraction
• 14:30 Quiet Meditation And Clarity
• 18:46 Opportunity Cost Of Social Media
• 22:46 Recovery, Amends, And Responsibility
• 27:16 Sales Lessons From Recovery
• 29:24 Listener Thanks And Subscribe

Transcript

CoreyBerrier: 1:01

Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast. I'm your host, Corey Berrier. And today, folks, I'm going to talk to you about my experience with character building. You know, I think a lot of things in life, while it may seem like a mistake, it's really a lesson. If you learn from it and don't do it again, obviously. Um, I think some of the hardest lessons that I've had to learn in my life have built the character that you have, that you see today. And lots of times, I don't know about you, but lots of times I don't give myself enough credit or any credit. I don't celebrate the things that I've accomplished in my life. And what I mean by by accomplishment, I don't mean like accolades. I don't mean accomplishments in business or the success of this podcast or that I've written a book. I don't I don't mean any uh of that. All those are external things that you know seem like what makes up a person. You know, if I asked you, you know, who are you, you might say, well, I'm a CEO of a company, or I'm a business owner, or you know, I'm an HVAC tech or I'm uh whatever, fill in the blank. But really, that's what you do in life. That's not what you are. And so I've had to take a deeper look at, you know, who am I as a person? And, you know, there's a lot of attributes that make up you as a person. It could be negative attributes, it could be positive attributes. You know, I I lots of times don't look at some of the hard things that I've gone through. Um, and I don't say that to be like I'm, you know, arrived because it's certainly not the case, but I have put in the work to get sober a couple of times now, and it is a massive deflation of the ego to be able to, you know, to have to admit that you need help, especially as a man. It's tough to ask for help, whether that be in your job or whether that be in with an addiction or or in a relationship. And a lot of that stems from not wanting to be rejected. And uh a lot of that stems from you know, some sort of childhood rejection that you've probably gone through or that I went through. And uh, unless you take a look at those things, it's hard to overcome them. And for me, those things have showed up in my life, you know, over and over in relationships, in workplace, in friendships. And it's hard to recognize because you get this internal feeling of fear for asking for what you want, again, whether that be in a relationship or a job or whatever that might be, because maybe there's a self-worth uh issue there. And and and I think that was the case for me, for sure. You know, I didn't feel worthy of the thing that I wanted to ask for, so I just didn't ask for it. And um, one of the things that I've you know, one of the parts of recovery is you know, making amends. And when I say making amends, what that really looks like is you take a look at the people that you've done a disservice to. And when I say done a disservice, it doesn't mean you've done something bad to those people, but maybe you were in a a job and you didn't ask for what you wanted, and therefore you carried a resentment towards that owner or towards that business or towards that job, or maybe you're in a relationship where you know you you want your partner to do something and you're not willing to ask because you're afraid of what they may say. I've been there and done that for sure, and it doesn't feel good. Um, it's not a good feeling to not be able to express how you feel, uh, whether that be in a job or whether that be in a relationship or a friendship or whatever it may be. And what I've found is that when I'm afraid to ask for what I want, you know, that resentment builds. And and you push it to the side, right? You push it down, no big deal. It's okay, you know, they'll change, they'll come around, they'll offer me the, you know, they'll offer me the raise, they'll, you know, my partner will, you know, begin to see that they're not doing their part. Well, the problem, you know, with that I found is that I'm the one that suffers when I don't ask for what I want or I don't speak up about things that are bothering me. And those micro resentments then turn into me carrying around baggage that affects the rest of my life or affects the rest of my day, my week. And they're micro resentments, they're not big deals, they're not huge things, but those little things build up to bigger things. And I think, you know, that is why I think a lot of people turn to drugs and alcohol and pornography and social media to distract themselves from what's going on in their life. And that's been the case for me. You know, uh, when you remove those things from your life, whether it be drugs or alcohol or scrolling endlessly on social media, you're kind of left with yourself and your own thoughts. And that's a scary place for somebody like me because I'm constantly moving and constantly doing something, and I'm constantly distracted. And so recently, um, I have taken this guy's advice named Dr. K and several other people as their advice about you know meditating in silence, which is not an easy thing for me to do, but I've forced myself to do it, and I've had a lot of clarity from that practice. And I just light a candle, I sit on my bed, leave, watch the candle for 10 minutes, and it frees up my brain to not have any of those distractions, and then I get to recognize well, what have I been distracting myself with? And how what's the opportunity cost for that distraction? We'll use social media as a great example. You know, how many times do you open your phone and you just doom scroll? Or you just want to check on this one person, and then boom, you're 15 or 20 minutes in and you've wasted that 15 or 20 minutes. What's the opportunity cost when that happens? What could you have been doing that would have been more beneficial than scrolling on social media? It's a real easy thing to do, and it's also very dangerous because you're likely losing productivity, you're likely losing peace of mind. And especially with the things that have been going on recently, if you're you know, if you're uh following the political landscape, well, it's constantly something, right? If you're following uh either side, you know, you've got one side that's raising hell about the other, and that may feed some sort of need inside of you. That may feed some sort of uh make you feel good that things are going your way. So you want to watch more of that because it feeds some sort of need inside of you, and and a good example of that is you know, when you know, when Charlie Kirk got assassinated, you know, I found myself embedded in everything that was going on, watching the other side freak out, watching the Charlie Kirk fans come together. And how much time did I waste watching those two things? And did it benefit my life? No, it didn't benefit my life. Did my life change because I watched all that garbage on social media? It didn't change, it only probably weighed me down more if I'm being completely transparent with you, because then I'm thinking about after I'm done scrolling, I'm thinking about, well, how crazy are the one side or the other, or gosh, I mean, it the the opportunity cost again is massive. What could I have been doing with my time to better my own life? And this may sound a bit selfish, but the truth of the matter is if you don't pay attention to your own life, nobody else is going to. And you know, uh, I think recovery has given me an opportunity, you know, to put the brakes, at least on my drinking and drugging. It's been a little over two and a half years since I've had anything foreign in my body. And my life is significantly better for it. You know, the clarity that I've had recently, I've been going through and looking at the people that I need to make some amends to. And there's a freedom to owning your part in a situation, and I think lots of times we overlook our part in a lot of things, but we think, well, that person did this thing to me. Well, they probably didn't do it to you. It could have been how you interpreted it, it could have been that they were having a shitty day and they just took it out on you, and now you've got a resentment towards that person when in reality you're the only one holding the resentment. They may not even know that what they did affected you. And so who's responsible for solving that? That would be you. You're responsible for your side of the street, you're responsible for making amends when there's a problem, and personal responsibility is something that I'm emphatic on. It's something that I I I believe in in my life. You know, when you're wrong, you've got to admit that you're wrong. And that's hard to do sometimes. You know, that's really hard to do. And I'll give you, you know, an example as it pertains to professional life in sales. When someone doesn't buy from you, it doesn't necessarily mean it was because of you. In fact, most likely it wasn't because of you. And if you don't know why they didn't buy from you, that's because you didn't ask enough questions. You didn't dig as deep as you could, because there's always a reason why they didn't buy from you. And if you don't ask enough questions, then you're not going to get the right answers, and you're not going to get the truth. And customers will lie to you, but you've got to be able to sort through that and find out what the reason is. And maybe the reason is about the money, or maybe it is about the product, or maybe it is about how you presented, but you got to find that out. Because look, if you don't, if you don't find out the reason why they didn't buy from you, you can't make a better presentation next time, or you can't you can't get better. And uh feedback is important, and feedback in recovery, feedback in your professional life, feedback from your partner, and sometimes we don't like to hear that because it feels like rejection when we get feedback from other people, and so a lot of times we just will avoid, especially salespeople, will avoid asking the hard questions in fear of the answer, and that fear will control your whole life. And if you leave a uh if you go on a sales call and you don't find out these things, then you're gonna carry that into your next sales call, and it's gonna affect how you present, it's gonna affect if the customer buys or not. But if you ask the right questions, even if the answer is still no, and you find out why the answer is no, well then you're better prepared for the next call. But you gotta be willing to accept what they say, and it's kind of like the amends process in recovery. You know, when you make amends to someone, that doesn't mean you're gonna get a good result. It doesn't mean that is gonna be a positive conversation because sometimes it's it's just not. Sometimes, in you know, when you've been in addiction, you've caused a lot of pain for other people, and they may not be willing to accept you saying I was wrong. Now, a lot of people do, and um and a lot of pe and a lot of times the amends process is easier than what it looks like it's gonna be, but you just have to do it the right way, and sometimes the best amends is not ever talking to that person again that you've caused so much damage with. And if you're gonna further cause more damage, then lots of times it's not the best thing to do. Because if your amends is to an ex-girlfriend that now is happily married with a kid, and and and what you did was so devastating, your best best to not bark up that tree again. But here's what you can do you can live a better life, you can be a better person, and a lot of times in recovery, our job is to show up differently than we did when we were drinking and drugging. Our job is to not do those things to other people again, and sometimes that is the amends, is that you show up differently. And if you're not in recovery, I don't know how you figure these things out. Um, I'm grateful that I have a framework that I can go through and that I can learn how to live a better life, be a better employee, be a better person. You know, I try to be the same person no matter if somebody's looking or if they're not looking. And so imagine, you know, if you're this guy, and I see people do this all the time, it drives me insane. When I see people, you know, shove their grocery cart next to somebody's car instead of just taking it back into the store or putting it in the little metal slot that it's supposed to go into. Um if you do things like that when people aren't looking, you know that. And you know that you're a dirtbag. And so other people are gonna be able to see those traits in you, those characteristics that you are doing in the dark are gonna show up in the light. And it's just kind of the the universe kind of uh conspires to show people that the kind of person that you really are, and so and it's really hard to be a successful contributor to society if you're doing things that you know aren't on the up and up. So are there things in your life that you would that you're doing in the dark that you'd rather not be doing because it's probably affecting your life where you don't even realize it because you know and that's the thing, you you think maybe you think that these things don't matter, but they do, they do matter, you know. I've done a lot of personal development, I've worked on myself, I've done a lot to change the person that you see today, and I don't say that in a bragging way by any stretch. I just kind of got tired of being the guy that left the shopping cart beside someone's car. I just kind of got tired of being the guy that tried to take shortcuts. I got tired of being the guy that was in addiction and couldn't figure out how to change my life. And so I had to ask for help. And thank God there was somebody there. Thank God there was somebody there to give me the help. And um, you know, if you're struggling, there's a way out of this. And look, everybody that's been through addiction, it's wild. Like if you think about uh anybody that's been through addiction has seen and done and heard and been through more than you can even imagine if you've not been in addiction. And the things that we've gone through, it makes a lot of things in life a bit easier. It's really way easier to show up at work when you've been without a job and broke. It's way easier to show up for somebody and do the right thing when you've been doing the wrong thing forever. And when that shift happens, you're a better person for it. I've been a better person for it. And I'm not saying that I always do the right thing. I try my best to do the right thing. I'm a human being, so I fall short from time to time. But at the same time, you know, my intention is to always do the right thing, whether somebody's looking or whether they're not looking. And I would ask you, is that how you show up in your life? You know, if you're a technician and you make and you do shortcuts or you lie to the customer and say they need to replace a capacitor when they don't, that's why you're struggling because you're not doing the right thing. It's not the right thing to sell somebody something that they don't need or want. Even if it costs you money in the short term, on commission or spiffs or whatever it is, in the long run, you're gonna make more money, you're gonna be a happier person, you're gonna live a better life. But so many people get caught up in doing the wrong thing and make taking shortcuts and lying to customers. And I mean, I can just tell you that I've seen it over and over. And um, it's a famine mindset. It's oh, I you know, I've got to sell this capacitor to this customer because there may not be another opportunity. My friend, there's that's not that's the wrong way to think. Because it's gonna cost you more in the long run than it will to just say, hey, you've got six more months before this thing goes out. I'm happy to replace it today if you'd like. Or you can wait till it goes completely out in six months. And I can't tell you it's gonna be six months. That's what I think from my experience, is it looks like it's on its last leg and and uh you're gonna have to replace it soon, or we can just do it now so I don't have to come back out here. But Mr. Customer, that's your decision, not mine. It's your it's your house, it's your air conditioner. Do you want to be stuck in the middle of July with a broken air conditioner? Do you want your family to have to potentially go two or three days without air conditioner because we can't get out here because we're gonna be slam busy, because that's the nature of our business. When it gets hot, we get busy. And I'd like to think we'd get out the same day, but I can't guarantee that. But I can guarantee if I change it out today in six months, you won't have that problem in July. But it's just being honest with the customer and letting them know what their options are. And they the customer always has an option to do nothing, it's always an option, it's just like it's always an option to never get sober. Not a great option, though. But you have the ability to say, you know, I'm just not willing to put in the work to get sober. I'm just gonna keep doing it my way. And a lot of people die that way, and a lot of salespeople get, you know, they lose their job because they just can't be honest. And I think a lot of salespeople get a really bad rap because there are a lot of guys out there that are not honest. It's the right thing to do. Would you want somebody to sell your mom something that she didn't need? No, you wouldn't. So why would you do that to somebody else? Not a great idea. But that's just how some people think and how they act and how they conduct business and how they conduct their own life. And likely if you're shaming people out of things and you're suggesting things that they don't need or want, you're probably doing shady stuff in your life that you're not proud of. And so I hope that's not the case. But here's the thing: you can change. And today is the best day to what do they say? That today's the best, uh, yesterday was the best day to plant a tree. The second best day is today. So if you're struggling with some of these things, ask yourself why and find out a way to fix them. There's so many things out there that can help you change your life and you not have to live this way, or you can just hang on to them from now until the next 10 years until you get in enough pain that you decide that you want to change. So I'll leave you with that. And I appreciate you guys listening. I appreciate you spending this time with me. If you would leave us a review, make sure you've subscribed to the podcast. So every Friday at 4 a.m. when I put this bad boy out, you get notified. Appreciate you guys. We'll see you. We'll see you soon.