Face Value: Ditching The Masks That Hide Your Real Self

What version of yourself do you bring to work? To family gatherings? To your closest relationships? For many of us, these questions reveal uncomfortable truths about the different masks we wear throughout our lives.

We don't put on these masks with malicious intent. They emerge from our deepest fears—fear of rejection, fear of inadequacy, fear that our authentic selves simply won't be enough. But what begins as self-protection gradually transforms into self-imprisonment. The exhaustion of juggling different personas, remembering which version of yourself you've shown to whom, and constantly monitoring your own behavior creates a crushing weight that few can sustain.

The most revealing insight comes when we examine what bothers us in others. That colleague whose arrogance drives you crazy? That friend whose neediness feels suffocating? These triggers often reflect disowned aspects of ourselves—mirrors we'd rather not look into. Taking personal responsibility means asking the harder question: "What's my part in this dynamic?" The reflection may be uncomfortable, but it's where true growth begins.

Freedom arrives when we commit to authenticity. One face. One truth. Just you. People intuitively sense incongruence between what you say and who you truly are, even if they can't articulate exactly what feels "off." Consistency builds trust far more effectively than perfection ever could. This week, try having just one honest conversation—with your spouse, your boss, or perhaps most importantly, with yourself. Take off just one mask and notice how much easier it becomes to breathe.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to The Masks We Wear
• 4:25 The Heavy Cost of Dishonesty
• 7:39 Mirroring: What Bothers You Reflects You
• 11:00 Freedom Through Honesty and Transparency
• 15:42 Sales and Integrity: Being Authentic
• 20:47 Final Thoughts and Call to Action

Transcript

Corey Berrier: 1:00

Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast. I'm your host, Corey Berrier, and today we're going to be talking about the masks we wear, and so I just want you to think about have you ever caught yourself putting on a smile or putting on a smile really when you didn't feel like it, agreeing when you really wanted to say no or, you know, pretending to be okay when you were actually falling apart? Well, that's a mask, and for years, I wore so many masks that I wound up forgetting what my real face looked like. You know, I had a mask for work, I had a mask with friends, I had a mask with family, and the truth is I was just being dishonest, not with them, but being dishonest with myself. I wonder, as you listen to me now, is there a mask that you've been wearing? Is there a mask that you've been wearing? Notice how quickly your mind goes to that thing that you just thought about.

Corey Berrier: 2:33

You might be wondering, corey, why do we wear masks? Well, we don't put on masks like we're this evil monster. We put them on because we're scared. We're scared, people won't accept us Scared, they'll leave Scared, we won't be enough. You know people pleasing is a fear response. It whispers if they really see the real me, they'll reject me. So we cover up and we just hope that that mask will be enough.

Corey Berrier: 3:12

But here's the truth the mask never. It's never satisfying. It only adds weight to your life. And wearing masks is dishonest. And you know, if you think about when you're wearing a mask, you're really telling two lies at the same time, first to other people and then to yourself. And the dishonesty cuts deep because when you start to believe the act more than your own truth, you begin to forget what you really feel. And one day you wake up not knowing who you are without the mask. So imagine standing in front of a mirror and you peel off one mask, then another and another. What's left, who's left and when was the last time you showed that person to the world? The truth is, you may not have a clue who that person is because you've got like I used to do so many different layers of this mask and you know here's the part that almost broke me it's exhausting. You know the cost of having a mask for this person and that person and this you know your boss, your wife, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your whoever, your kids. You know every one of those masks carry a story, and every one of those stories have to be remembered, and so I had to keep track of who knew what, who saw what version of me, who saw what version of me. It was like juggling lies that I really never wanted to tell, and the energy drain God, it was crushing. So imagine the opposite of that no mask, no stories to juggle, no lies to keep straight, just one face, one truth, just you, just one person. My experience is that there's freedom in that. At least it has been for me.

Corey Berrier: 5:38

So now let's be clear. Honesty doesn't mean you need to go tell your boss he sucks and call it, you know, an act of integrity. That's not honesty. That's being a knucklehead. That's, you know, disguising, saying something crappy to somebody as the truth.

Corey Berrier: 6:04

The real honesty, the real honesty starts with you, and you have to ask yourself what's my part? Why does this person get under my skin? What fear in me does this person trigger? Fear in me does this person trigger? Because, likely, it's more about you than it is him. Whatever he's doing that's bothering you, whatever your wife's doing that drives you nuts, it's probably because you do the same thing, but you overlook the fact that you do the same thing because it's you. Hell, you may not even notice you're doing the same thing, and so it's like a mirror, right, and this is a very powerful thing. There's mirroring in sales, there's mirroring in conversations, there's mirroring in tonality, but what I'm talking about here is whatever is bothering me in you, it's usually a mirror of myself. You know, if I judge you for being arrogant or egotistical, or I probably am struggling with that very thing, you know, if I resent you for being controlling, maybe it's because I'm controlling and that mask hides me from you.

Corey Berrier: 7:37

But the reflection still shows up in you and it eats your lunch until you deal with it. I mean, it ate my lunch for years, and dealing with it's tough Taking, personal responsibility is not the funnest route. Responsibility is not the funnest route, but I can tell you right now it's much easier. Well, and you may think, well, it's easy to blame people. Yeah, sure it is. It's easy to point fingers and the last thing you want to do is say what's my part in this?

Corey Berrier: 8:12

And the truth is, we all have a part, because life isn't just what happens to you, it's how we interpret that thing that happens to you, or to me, for that matter and that mask gives us the ability or gives it. We're victims. But the truth is, honesty shows us that we're participating in that thing, willing participants, for that matter. So here's how you can fix that. You know, instead of assuming your boss is out to get you, what if you just ask him hey man, did you mean to come across this way when you said this? What did you mean? If you know it's just asking better questions, because when we assume we're usually wrong, it's just like in sales Every answer is there if you ask the right question. It's the same thing with your wife or your girlfriend, your boyfriend doesn't matter. So why don't we ask? It's fear, fear of the answer, fear they won't respond the way we want, fear they won't accept us. Fear runs the dang show.

Corey Berrier: 9:44

And the mask? The mask is fear's favorite costume. And you want transformation, you want that weight lifted. Let's try something really quick. Close your eyes unless you're driving and feel that mask on your face. You know it's tight, it's hard to breathe. Now, loosen that mask up, peel it away, breathe deeper, feel your real skin, touch the air.

Corey Berrier: 10:18

That's what honesty feels like, that's what transparency is and that's freedom, because it's stifling to think that you've got to change up that mask in front of all these different people. Listen, I've done it and it sucks. There's no freedom in trying to juggle. You know who you're going to be in front of what person and your life can change when you stop juggling all these masks. You start to trust yourself, masks, you start to trust yourself and the truth is, you probably don't trust yourself if you're wearing masks to different. You know different masks for different people. Your relationships get better. They are more simple. Your workload is going to become lighter because you're not carrying around all this garbage. That really isn't necessary, because really that's just an internal dialogue saying you're not good enough or you're not smart enough, or that person doesn't like me. There's only one version of you and that should be everywhere. You know people trust consistency. They trust consistency more than they do perfection, and that's a hard pill to swallow.

Corey Berrier: 11:52

So ask yourself what would it feel like to live with one story? That's mind-boggling, isn't it? You know, when you look at the fear involved with this, when you peel everything back, the root is fear Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being exposed. You know, you hear people who are at the top of the food chain, who have made millions and millions of dollars. They still struggle with the same thing. You don't have to become a millionaire and then still struggle with the same thing. You could just deal with it now.

Corey Berrier: 12:34

And it takes courage. It takes courage to speak the truth and do it in a loving way, in a way that helps the other person and helps you. So every fear dissolves when the light hits, and the light is honesty. So the opposite of fear is courage. The opposite of dishonesty is being honest. So the last thing I'll say is you know, masks are fear, honesty is freedom, responsibility is growth.

Corey Berrier: 13:32

This week, have one honest conversation, just one, with your spouse, with your boss, with your friend, maybe with yourself. Just take off one mask, see what happens. Because the moment you take off that mask is the moment that you start to live, the moment that you can breathe a little easier. You know one thing that I've learned being in recovery and having to ask for help when it was the last thing I wanted to do, is it's built a muscle of courage to ask for help when I need it. And don't get me wrong, there are times that I still struggle with asking for help, but sometimes you just have to do it anyway, and 99% of the time the outcome is far better than what I thought it was going to be, because in my little pea brain I think it's going to be a rejection or it's going to be all the things that I've listed. But that's just really not the truth, because people do appreciate being transparent and being honest and being real.

Corey Berrier: 14:48

You know, people can pick up subconsciously, listen subconsciously. People can pick up on when you're not being truthful. People will subconsciously pick up on when there's incongruence in what your mouth is saying and what your face is saying. They may not realize exactly what it is, but as human beings we subconsciously pick up on body language, facial expressions, micro expressions, ton. We know, we know when something's just a little off.

Corey Berrier: 15:24

Have you ever bought, have you ever went somewhere to buy something? And the guy you know the guy trying to sell you the thing let's say it's a car and it he's just a freaking cheese ball and he just he's talking about stuff that you don't give a damn about, but you know that he's being incongruent. He's incongruent with what he should be doing, which is talking less and listening more, and you don't feel heard. You feel like he's trying to sell you a car. And when you feel like somebody is trying to sell you a car, do you ever buy it? No, because it doesn't feel good. It doesn't. It feels very selfish on the car salesman's part.

Corey Berrier: 16:10

You know, when people struggle in sales it's because they don't believe in what they're selling. They don't believe their product or service or solution is the right fit for that family. Maybe they think it's too expensive. Maybe they think that, well, I could save this family, you know, $20,000 by just fixing this system, because that's what I would want somebody to do for me. It's not about you.

Corey Berrier: 16:41

In that scenario, you have a job to do and if you're in sales or if you're a technician and the right thing to do is to offer a solution to replace a system, then that's the right thing to do for your company and it's the right thing to do for the customer. Because and it's the right thing to do for the customer Because you know as well as I do, if you're in the trades, when one thing breaks, another thing is going to break, and who's going to look like the bad guy when you give somebody a $3,000 Band-Aid and in a month they have to call you back for another $3,000 Band-Aid. You are not going to be the favorite, I can tell you right now. And then you try to sell them a new system and they're like screw you, dude, why didn't you do that to begin with and save me all this headache? So we don't think about that.

Corey Berrier: 17:36

We sell from our own pockets sometimes. We sell from our own pockets sometimes. And if you're broke and you're trying to sell a $20,000 system, well, that might be hard to do, especially if you're. You know you're buying from your own pocket. And that's where that fear steps in. And you, you know you may have to wear a mask to get through that sale, but you better be confident in what you're doing and that mask better be a mask of confidence and genuine benefit to the customer. So no, I went off on a bit of a sales tangent there, but this all fits exactly the same.

Corey Berrier: 18:25

Why do you think salespeople fail? It's because they're wearing a mask trying to put on a show, in a Broadway play that they don't even believe in. They don't believe their own story, so why would you expect somebody else to believe it? And this is where the honesty comes in. They don't believe their own story, so why would you expect somebody else to believe it? And this is where the honesty comes in, listen. If you can fix, if you can give the customer an option to fix it, you should do that. But you should also give them the option to not have to deal with this for another decade, because it's the right thing to do. And you can also give them the option to do nothing.

Corey Berrier: 19:06

But the truth of the matter is you know, you got to remove yourself from these situations. You got to take that mask off and just be honest. And if you think your company is charging too much money, go work for a cheaper company. If you think your company is not charging enough, go work for a different company. Don't stay in a situation where you can't be you and you can't be honest Because it's going to bite you in the rear. I guarantee it. I guarantee it.

Corey Berrier: 19:42

Listen, I've been in sales for a long time. I've seen it all. I've worked with people who had honesty issues. I've worked with people who could sell anything to anybody, but maybe they did it the wrong way. So you want to have integrity when you're selling as well, and you want to have integrity in your own life and that's where these masks come in. You can't live in integrity if you've got a mask on because it's not being honest. When you're living in integrity, that means you're being honest. When you're living in integrity, that means you're being honest, you're telling the truth.

Corey Berrier: 20:27

So I appreciate you guys listening, listen, do me a favor. If you like the, if you like the show today, I'd encourage you to go leave a review. Subscribe, if you haven't already, to Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever. Wherever you're listening to this and look, join me. Next week Comes out every Friday at 4 am, probably before you get up. Hopefully you're starting to get up earlier and getting to the gym and getting moving and eating a better diet, because all those things are going to help that mask come off. I promise you. All right, guys, we'll see you next Friday.