Sober But Miserable: Why Just Quitting Isn't Enough

The recovery journey begins with a simple truth: addiction isn't about substances—it's about escape. I spent years trying to run from pain, from reality, from myself. But as I discovered, no matter where I went, I took myself with me.

My path through the 12 steps wasn't smooth. I approached recovery with skepticism and pride, resistant to the process. What I didn't realize was how deeply the lies I told myself ran. The most profound shift came when someone bluntly told me, "Maybe this isn't about you." Those words cut through years of self-centeredness and changed everything. I had been given something freely, but wasn't passing it on.

Recovery transformed more than my substance use—it rebuilt my entire life. Though not overnight. Some relationships mended while others ended, finances stabilized after years of chaos, and most importantly, I found a community of people who genuinely care. The contrast between my life then and now is stark. Where I once dreaded waking up, I now look forward to each day. Where I once was isolated, I now connect. Where I once ran from reality, I now face life with tools and support.

For those struggling with addiction—whether actively using or physically sober but emotionally unwell—know that you're not alone. True success isn't about perpetually chasing happiness but finding peace and joy. Recovery offers a pathway there. It's not always easy, but it works. You're just one decision away from a different life. If something in my story resonates with you, please reach out. Visit SuccessfulLifePodcast.com or message me on social media. Your journey to healing can begin today.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome and Recovery Introduction
• 2:42 Addiction as Escape from Reality
• 4:14 The Painful Truth About 12 Steps
• 6:50 Hitting Rock Bottom Again
• 11:31 Finding Community in Recovery
• 19:31 From Struggling to Peace and Joy
• 24:31 Hope for Those Still Suffering
• 26:57 Closing Thoughts and Resources

Transcript

Corey Berrier: 1:00

Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast. I'm your host, Corey Berrier. Today, we're going to talk about recovery, discipline, and building a successful life that lasts. Today I'm going to share a bit of truth, it's going to be a bit raw about my addiction, process, and share some things about how I struggled through the darkest times of my life.

Corey Berrier: 1:42

And you know, for me, addiction isn't just about, it's not about just using. For me, it was about escaping. It was a way to run from reality, from the pain, from myself. And the problem is, no matter where I go, I take me with me. So wherever I show up, I'm still there. I can't really escape from me.

Corey Berrier: 2:22

You know I used to wake up anxious and foggy and angry, and then I'd reach for the same thing that created the problem, which was drugs and alcohol, and there's a level of emptiness that comes with that. You know, you feel, I know, for me, I felt like a shell of a person and I kept trying to, you know, fill that void, if you will, with something that didn't really work. You know, alcohol was my solution, drugs were my solution to the problem, and the problem was me. And you can't. I couldn't solve my problem of me through putting substances in my body. I tried every way possible. You know, when I started working the 12 steps, you know I didn't trust the process. In fact I was skeptical. I was so full of pride and I was also scared. But what the steps did for me is it stripped away the lies that I was telling myself. And the lies run deep, eyes run deep and listen. I'm telling you this story because there's so much pain in addiction. There's so much pain trying to run from yourself. And the truth is I tried every way possible to do this without the 12 steps and I couldn't do it.

Corey Berrier: 4:14

Now you could be different and you may not subscribe to the 12 steps of recovery, but it's the only thing that's kept me sober and it's the thing that's given me such a joy in my own life. It's given me an opportunity to look at the things that I didn't want to look at. Now I'm not saying that it's easy because it's not. Believe me. When you have to look at the things that you've done in addiction, it is painful the pain that you caused other people, the shame, the guilt, the discontent. You know a lot of people say when you go back out after you've been sober for a little while, that you may not make it back, and here's my perspective on that.

Corey Berrier: 5:14

I always thought, you know, the drink will never kill me, the drug will never kill me. That could be different now, because there's fentanyl and everything, and so you'd really run a much higher risk now of getting a bad batch of whatever it is you're doing. But I'll tell you, for me, what almost killed me was the guilt and the shame and the remorse of having to come back in to the rooms. It's so embarrassing to have to go pick up a white chip. At least that's what I thought. But picking up that white chip for me was very humbling after being out for a long time. You know, I haven't drank in a long time, but the drink is not the problem. I was the problem, and even though I haven't drank in almost 16 years, you know about seven, eight, nine years ago now, as I mentioned before, I started smoking weed. No big deal, it's natural. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I slowly burnt my life to the ground. I slowly destroyed my marriage, destroyed my finances, finances. We were behind on everything and I was so egotistical, I was so prideful that I wouldn't even consider going back and working the 12 steps until one day and I've mentioned this several times on here because it was a pivotal point in my life In 2022, I went down to a conference called RoofCon and I met a guy named Eric Obrant, and Eric didn't know I was smoking weed at the time because I didn't tell him, of course.

Corey Berrier: 7:25

And Eric didn't know I was smoking weed at the time because I didn't tell him, of course. And this is a God thing, in my opinion. I met Eric and Eric's kind of a crass guy. He'll just tell you how it is, whether he knows you or whether he doesn't. He's kind of a, you know. He kind of just doesn't give an F and he'll tell you that.

Corey Berrier: 7:50

And Eric looked at me after I told him I wasn't coming back into the rooms, that I wasn't working the steps. He just looked at me, dead in my eye, and he was like you know, maybe, corey, this is not about you. And here's the issue is, I made it all about me, and when Eric said that to me, he was right. I was so selfish, so self-centered, I couldn't even see that what was given to me freely in the program that I wasn't given that back, I wasn't showing up, I wasn't going to meetings, I wasn't doing the things that I knew I should be doing. But it's so crazy because at the time I was so prideful and I was so set on my ways that I didn't even consider going back and doing the program until he said that to me and the very next day, which was a Sunday, a Saturday when he told me this, I drove back to Raleigh from Florida and I went to a meeting. And if that guy hadn't have said that to me in the way that he said it, I don't think I'd be here today talking to you with the story that I have. And I'm no one special, I don't have a unique story. Sometimes we just have to listen to people when they speak, because God speaks through people and Eric Obram, that day God spoke through because I heard it. And so I started going back to meetings.

Corey Berrier: 9:34

As I mentioned, I was a disaster mentally, emotionally, physically. I was so depressed. Emotionally, physically, I was so depressed. I didn't know what to do with myself, and so I started going back into the rooms begrudgingly, because I had told the story to myself over and over that this was not the way I was going to do this, and here's the key I this is not about me. I this is about how I can help other people, and that's the point of the show now is I hope, when people hear this, that they can maybe see themselves in this same situation, and maybe it sparks some sort of thought or some sort of reason to take an action to get back into recovery, because it's changed my entire life. I can't imagine my life without it.

Corey Berrier: 10:42

At this point, you might be thinking well, corey, that's a cult or that's. It's not anything like that. And if it is, that's fine, I'm a part of it and I'm okay with that. So you know, it's interesting because the ebbs and flows of my recovery have been positive in a lot of ways and been dark in a lot of ways, and what I realized is that recovery is not. There's no finish line to recovery. It's not a box that you check.

Corey Berrier: 11:18

For me, it's a daily commitment. What do I mean by that? I send out a gratitude list to about 125 or 30 people every day, and I do that, as I've mentioned in the last podcast, because I'm not typically a super grateful person, but today I am very grateful that I get to sit here with you and talk about some of the struggles. And not every day is a great day. Some days I do feel great, clear, I feel grounded, and then other days I struggle with the same thoughts I thought I'd left behind. You know, we don't. We say we're recovered, we recover from the drink, but we still have, you know, we're still human and we still deal with ourselves. And the difference now is that I have a community and I have tools that I can use and I have structure and that's all progress. But I need those things in my life because it's important for me.

Corey Berrier: 13:10

Because it's important for me and I'll be honest, you know that time, those years that I was sober, I was basically California sober Dude, I was miserable and they call that a dry drunk, and I wasn't drinking, but I was so angry I was still unbelievably controlling and reactive and unbelievably selfish, and really it wasn't until I really dove deep into the emotional side of recovery, into the steps. That's really when things started to shift, being in a state of mind where you're not drinking but you're acting like the same exact douchebag. And I'll say that for myself, because that's exactly what I was, I was controlling, I was emotional. I was emotional, I was sensitive. I felt like everybody was out to get me. I was a victim and I don't like being a victim. I didn't like the person in the mirror. In fact, I hated the person in the mirror. In fact, I hated the person in the mirror.

Corey Berrier: 14:35

And one of the things that attracted me about the program is the promises of recovery and the big book talks about that, and I didn't believe that I deserved the promises. Personally, I didn't even believe that they were possible for me. But slowly, slowly, those promises started to come true for me. And we say, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, I didn't, you know, I wasn't working at the time. Like I said before, I was behind on everything. My marriage was completely falling apart and those things didn't repair overnight. In fact, some of them didn't repair at all. And that's okay, that's God doing for me what I can't do for myself. And I don't regret the past anymore. I've learned to look at those past experiences and face life head on. You know I've built I should say rebuilt relationships that I thought were gone forever. You know I have a job that I'm proud of. I have relationships today in a community that I can depend on.

Corey Berrier: 16:04

I just reached out to one of my guys just this morning and I said hey, man, I need your help Saturday morning to move. She's like no problem, dude, I got you. What else do you need? What time do I need to be there? I said you realize how important that is when you've got people in your corner. I had another guy text me last night in the industry. His name is Todd Lyles. He said hey, man, I just wanted to check to see how the podcast was going. I said oh, I'm getting great feedback. What makes you ask? And Todd said Corey, I'm asking because I care and that's recovery. Todd's not in recovery.

Corey Berrier: 16:53

But it's things like that that when people reach out and say they're just reaching out because they care. I didn't have that in my life. They're just reaching out because they care. I didn't have that in my life. I didn't have that in my life when I was not going. You know, when I wasn't actively in recovery, I didn't have people that cared. I didn't have people to reach out and ask me how I was doing. And guess what? I certainly didn't reach out and ask how other people were doing, because I didn't care doing because I didn't care.

Corey Berrier: 17:34

And so there is so much power in recovery and I'm so grateful today that, no matter really what happens in my life, I have a plan. I have a way to get through it, whether that be call one of my buddies, edward, whether it be call my sponsor, charlie and those people are so important in my life or Tim B he's been tremendous support for me in times that I really needed the support. That guy spent more time with me just walking me through things that I couldn't get through myself. These people care, they absolutely care about how I'm doing, which feels crazy to me because I never really had that.

Corey Berrier: 18:26

And so right now, if you're listening to this and you're feeling alone, you're not alone. If you're struggling in recovery, you're not broken. The path isn't always clean and it's certainly not easy, but it's real and it really works. So, whatever stage you're in right now, whether it's you're just starting out, you've just relapsed, you're rebuilding. We're doing this together because somebody did this for me, which is the reason that I'm wanting to change. I'm not wanting.

Corey Berrier: 19:15

I am changing the direction of the podcast because I want people to hear this and hopefully it helps them to make a decision and listen. You're just one decision away from a better life. You're also one decision away from a worse life, and I don't want you to have these struggling days. I don't want you to wake up tomorrow morning with a hangover or stay up all night doing drugs and hearing the birds chirping and it being a terrible sound. Now I get to wake up and I enjoy to hear the birds.

Corey Berrier: 19:58

As I mentioned in the last podcast, I wake up really early because I like that quiet time as part of my routine, and I can tell you the promises that have come through for me. I'm almost debt-free, getting ready to sell my house and finalize my divorce, which has been a pain, and so, as I mentioned earlier, sometimes relationships don't rebuild and sometimes that's the best thing that could ever happen to you. You know, when I first got separated, I was in such shock I didn't really know. I was so egotistical. It was a shock to me that things went the way they did.

Corey Berrier: 21:05

But because of this program, because of the people in my life, it's allowed me the opportunity to have a successful life, and success today, as my buddy, todd Lyles, mentioned yesterday, it's not the pursuit of happiness and I've gotten it all wrong, because I did think it was the pursuit of happiness. He pointed out it's the pursuit of peace and joy. And he's right. And I'm no longer chasing success the way I was, because I'm happy. I'm a really happy person, I'm really happy with my life and there's no way I could have that level of happiness without these steps and without the people in the community. And so if you're listening to this and there's something I've said today that makes sense or rings a bell or you can see yourself in this position, here's what I'll tell you there's a better way. There's a better way to live a successful life than struggling with drugs and alcohol. There's not really any way, in my opinion, to live a successful life if you're struggling with drugs and alcohol. And I know, even if you're not drinking but you're not working a program, it's the same thing in my opinion. You know, I had a guy come in last night to the meeting this was so cool actually Came into the meeting and he hasn't been to a meeting in almost a year and I know right where that guy is at because I was there.

Corey Berrier: 22:42

I was in that same torturous mindset. It's like you're trapped in your own mind and you can't get out. And, believe me, I tried every way to feel better, to be happy, and I couldn't do it without the steps, without recovery. And again, this may not be for you but I can tell you for me it's changed my entire life. It's given me a life beyond imagination.

Corey Berrier: 23:15

Like I wake up every day looking forward to the day. I can't say that that's always been the case. I can't say that I've always looked forward to it, because there were many days, many nights and many years. I didn't even want to wake up in the morning Because I was miserable. But today I look forward to waking up. I look forward to getting a good night's sleep. I look forward to waking up. I look forward to getting a good night's sleep. I look forward to working out. I look forward to being of service to another alcoholic or drug addict. I enjoy going and being of service to other people. I enjoy going to the treatment centers and talking to people that are just brand new, that their head is just throbbing with all the anxieties that I've been through.

Corey Berrier: 24:18

And there's a better way to do this. And I would encourage you to reach out to somebody today If you have questions about this, out of respect of the program. I'm not going to mention the program that I'm in, but you can read between the lines and figure it out. And if you reach out to me, you can go to my website. You can go to SuccessfulLifePodcastcom. You can send me a message. I'll happily talk with you. You can follow me on Instagram and Facebook.

Corey Berrier: 24:47

I'm not great about getting messages back, but I'll do my best. But if you're struggling today, reach out. I'll put you in touch with someone. I'll have a conversation with you. My goal here is to share as much as I possibly can about my journey, so maybe it'll help somebody else, and I'm really grateful for you listening today. I'm really grateful that you chose to spend this time with me and if there's someone that you know is struggling, share this with them If you think it'll help. And I appreciate each and every one of you for listening. I appreciate the time that you spend with me. It's very important and I'm very grateful for that. I appreciate you all. I'll see you next Friday.